After Two Weeks

After two weeks of time off, I was fortunate enough to be able to rejoin my old box and complete the CFEC Assault Course. I suckered Hannah into doing it as my partner (after all, it was time for pay back for #4#), and had a great time completing the WOD that Chris and Jason designed to mimic a military mission. It just seemed appropriate for me to do it since Dan is in Afghanistan doing missions all the time - I wanted to honor him by completing it. It took us almost 2 hours, but I am proud of us for pushing through and doing the RX weights. (Thanks to Hannah for the photo mash-up after we finished)

Two notable things:
1. After contemplating injury vs soreness, I got a medical opinion. We have been doing a lot of heavy overhead lifts at FTC for the past few weeks (lots of C&J and snatches), and I had developed tendonitis (an overuse injury). I took the advice I was given, which was 2 weeks off, lots of ice, some stretching, occasional NSAIDs, and will power to not do anything stupid. Most of that was easy (minus the "don't do anything stupid" part), and since I had my heart set on the Assault Course, I figured it'd be worth it to wait in order to have the chance of completing it. Clearly it was, I am on cloud 9 after finishing without any pain or any reminder of the tendonitis that I'd developed. Lesson learned: listen to my body, and keep my ego out of it.

2. Long workouts require different nutrition intake than short WODs. I didn't eat enough before the WOD, and I didn't eat enough during the WOD. I could feel myself wilting even though I was taking in plenty of water. The unfortunate thing is that once you realize that you are hungry, it is too late. Three-quarters of the way through, I asked Hannah if she had any food. Fortunately for me, she did, I ate, and felt like superwoman afterwards. Once that nutrition kicked in, I could have kept on going - lifting, pulling, jumping, climbing. Without it, I could hardly lift a 45# KB. Lesson learned: give my body what it needs to do what I'm asking - - PLAN.

I am very grateful to Chris and Jason for allowing us to drop in and do the CFEC assault course. Since I am done without any pain (with the exception of very minor soreness since I am sure I lost a little bit in these 2 weeks of beer drinking and couch sitting), I am raring to go and have found the motivation I had lost due to the discouragement of poor performance during the tendonitis. It has brought new motivation and excitement. I can't wait to get back into FTC this week and start pushing through again.

My Castle

I saw this and absolutely loved it.

Where Are You Going?

The other day, I got a phone call from an old friend. We talked about times past, but the number one thing I noticed was that he was constantly talking about the person he used to be - - the "badass" things he'd done, the successes he had - - and it occurred to me that he was still living in that time. As I thought about it more, I realized that one of the best ways to hold yourself back is to keep looking behind you. Where is he now? What is he proud of now? What is he working toward every day? The answer (in my opinion, not his) is nothing.

In training and in life, it is imperative that we live in the present and look toward the future. For me, it will ensure that I can get out of bed each day. And, if you know me, you know that recently that has been difficult for me. What am I looking forward to today? What am I working toward for tomorrow? What am I doing to prepare myself right now for what is down the road?

I was so sad for my friend. To be honest, I don't care who you WERE a few years ago. I don't care if you were a professional athlete 5 years ago. I don't care if you were a SEAL 5 years ago. I don't care if you used to have your own business but it shut down and now you're just trying to "figure out what's next." Frankly, no one is impressed by the person who reveals to her friends that she was homecoming queen in 1999. Sure, the past is formative, but it is not wholly definitive. Forward motion is determined by your current and present movement, not by the journey that has already transpired.

Back to my preliminary thoughts regarding the present and how this mindset of living in the present and looking toward the future is relevant to my daily trip to the box. I can translate this into training goals:

Goal:
1. DL: 220, BS: 150, BP: 110, SN: 85, PC: 115
2. 16.5% body fat (translation: 6 pack abs)
3. 5:50 mile
4. 12 dead hang PU
5. 3 unbroken MU

Work Input:
1. Work out 4+x/week
2. Focused nutrition and protein intake
3. 7-8 hrs sleep/night
4. Consistent schedule
5. 96 oz water/day

It takes small steps and a focused mind. Everyone should be looking forward, not behind. To me, there is little that is more sad than being proud of who you USED to be. It is so important to look in the mirror and be proud of who is looking back at that moment. To succeed in training or in life, you have to know where you are and where you want to go. Otherwise you'll keep spinning your wheels like my old friend trying to figure out how he ended up where he is, but so proud of where he used to be. Move forward. And remember: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance.

Changed

I went to Kroger last night to pick up my groceries after my WOD. In the beer aisle (of all aisles), I was stopped by a 47 year old man who asked me how he knew me. My answer, point blank, was "you don't." He tried figuring it out for a bit, continuing to be unsuccessful in his guesses, and the conversation took a turn to what I do for a living, what I do for exercise, what I do for fun, education, hobbies, etc. I guess my "resume" of activities isn't terrible, and he filled me in on his (he was a Marine who worked Presidential guard duty for Reagan and Bush, who was now divorced, alone, and overweight).

As he continued talking, I could tell he was sad, so I tried to reassure him of my favorite thing: if you want to make a change in your life you just have to start with one thing. I also gave him dating advice: don't date. Find something you love and do that and you will inevitably meet someone who is not looking for love, but looking to fulfill their passions. That leads to things in common, friendship, and potentially love. People fail at finding love because they look too hard for it and try to force it, not because they are incapable of it.

By the end of the conversation (which lasted probably 20 minutes), he told me that God put me into his life to help him open new doors. He told me that the 20 minute conversation changed his life, and he thanked me excessively.

It got me to thinking: who/what in my life has opened a new door or changed my thinking? This is important to acknowledge because I believe it has happened a few times and has altered the course of my life by changing the way I make decisions. My education has changed my life. My work in Asia has changed my life. CrossFit has changed my life. My friends have changed my life. Dan has changed my life. Even disappointment and failure and heartbreak have changed my life.

This train of thought led me to another VERY important conclusion: in order to continue to live happily, I have to continue to grow. In order to grow, I HAVE to allow new doors to be opened and I HAVE to change my thinking. To live life is to be changed. And although that guy in Kroger may truly believe I changed his life, I'm pretty sure his graciousness has changed my thinking... and that's the start to a brand new beginning.

Congrats to Danj

Congrats to Dan for taking command of B Co, 3-7 IN last week!

CFEC Assault Course

THIS.



I did half of it this past Friday when Jason and Chris were nice enough to let me drop in at CFEC. Anyone want to partner up and do the full version with June 29 when I go up to Atlanta for the weekend (assuming Jason will give me the green light on it)? Please? I expect it to take me around 1:40-ish.

Nutrition Hurdles

One of the biggest pieces of training is nutrition. I have been an athlete since I was a kid (quite literally, my first 5k was when I was 6 years old), and until one month ago, I didn't even pay attention to nutrition.

New aspects of any training regime are often the most challenging, but this time, it is by far the MOST challenging part of my routine. Point blank, I suck at nutrition, but I am working on it. This whole "nutrition" kick started for me sometime around the end of March/early April. When Hannah and I signed up for #4#, I wanted to make sure that I actually weighed in at the correct weight (if I weighed in heavier, I'd have to lift more - and who wants to do that?!) so I began to pay attention. During this time, I was training harder, and reading about how to eat as an athlete. I kept stumbling across this CrossFit "pyramid" and the base of it was nutrition. I'd heard it, I just hadn't really bought into it, nor had I really been coached on it extensively. It can be mentioned and drilled into my head, but until it is written on the white board, it seemed like an afterthought and a fleeting conversation topic that I'd go back to later.

I've always been a complete creature of habit: I wake up at the same time, eat the same things, drive the same route, etc This applies to my life as well as to my training, obviously. And, as I've said before, if I want something to be different I have to start doing something differently; this time it is eating.

After a lot of research about paleo, I've decided paleo isn't necessarily for me at this point in my life, but I am focusing more on the "zone diet," which is a 40-30-30-esque protein/carb/fat balance diet. (http://library.crossfit.com/free/pdf/cfjissue21_May04.pdf). The zone diet is a pain in the rear at first, you actually have to weigh your food. I bought a $19.99 food scale at Bed Bath and Beyond, but I've learned that you actually really only have to weight your food for about 2 weeks until you can pretty accurately eye-ball it. This diet works well for me since I have absolutely no issue eating the same thing all the time.

The first thing I learned from weighing my food was that I WAS NOT EATING ENOUGH. At first, I thought it was ridiculous that I couldn't be eating enough considering most 20-something females are going out of their way not to eat "too much." I was a little paranoid about it at first because regardless of how much I train or how much I read, I still fear "extra weight." Could I trust the numbers and the math and the science (this question is being asked by an engineer....)?

As always (when it comes to quantitative or scientific proof), the answer is "yes."

Suddenly in mid-May, my 1rm's went up for EVERY one of my lifts. I started doing full WODs with a weight that I had maxed on it April. I did the MU. I mentioned this to my coach, and he asked what changed. Honestly, until about a week ago, I didn't know... and I told him that at the time.

This week it dawned on me - it's because I'm eating more and I'm eating better. When I told him, he laughed at me and said "well yeah, if you want to lift more, you have to eat more." Although not surprising logic, it was to me until now. In fact, I can recall doing workouts with my stomach growling. Now, I go all day without a single rumble thanks to the alterations in my diet.

As a final note, I'd like to say that I abhor eating. However, let me quickly elaborate. I do not hate the act of eating something awesome, but I hate thinking about what to eat, planning what to eat, preparing my food, eating it alone, and cleaning it up. This whole nutrition thing is not only a planning process, but it is a chore. However, as I look at the building blocks of strength, stamina, and health, I realize that nutrition is the foundation. That damn pyramid is right. I just needed some proof, and now I feel like I'm on track to adding this piece to my puzzle so that I can continue building.

Nutrition. What a pain. But definitely something to keep watching.

Now I just need to get my body fat measured (accurately) and see if I can make changes to my composition based solely on my eating habits.

Soreness versus Injury

I probably ask this question too many times, but how do you tell the difference between muscle fatigue/sorness and the initial onset of an injury?

Sure, I have been sore before - countless times, but over the past few weeks I have been experiencing some spasming, "hollowness," and tightness along my left shoulder blade, over my back, down my bicep, and even in my forearms and fingers. As I felt my back tonight, I could feel a huge knot that would actually pull on my forearms when I pressed down on it. I realize everything is connected, so it makes sense, but is this sensation the beginning of an injury? Is it just that I need a massage? Is it just that I need a rest day? Is it something to ignore and push through? Admittedly, it is negatively affecting my performance.

I think a lot of athletes struggle with this, especially when they are pushing toward the next level as I am. When is enough enough? When do you stop? It is not just a physical battle but a mental one as well. How do I keep this from discouraging me or getting in my head? This is drastically affecting my focus.

Always telling others to take a day off when something doesn't feel right, I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world right now as I debate packing my bag for my WOD tomorrow. I don't want to let my 1 hour per day of working my butt off slip away tomorrow. I look forward to that one hour. But is pride standing in my way? Fear? Lack of knowledge?

How do you tell the difference between soreness and injury?

Superheroes

Last night I watched Hancock for the first time. If you haven't seen it, it is yet another superhero movie with Will Smith and Charlize Theron. As the hero theme unfolded, I found it seriously motivating yet somehow disheartening. I think we all want to be heroes - we want to be the person who went above and beyond who made a different and whose efforts were recognized and appreciated. Straight up, we all want to be a badass...but at the end of the movie, HOW do we get to be the kind of badass we dream about?

I have been giving this a lot of thought because I think I struggle with this constantly. I have a tendency to surround myself with people who are extraordinary in the things they do. I married a special ops guy from West Point, my friends have masters degrees and PhD's in all kinds of engineering  - working on stuff they can't even tell me about, others are Olympic Trials qualifiers, former professional and collegiate athletes, and others are quite literally some of the best performers or givers in their industries, communities, churches, and relationships. Everyone excels. So what is that thing inside of me that makes me look at someone and deem them a hero - and what is that thing inside of me that would make me feel that way about myself?

If you have ideas, I'd love to hear them. I don't think many of us perceive ourselves correctly or in the same light that others see us - whether good or bad. What makes a hero? How do we get there on a personal level? How do we make ourselves feel like we've accomplished the impossible? My only guess is achieving a goal, and then the next... doing what we could not do before. I think I dream too much of being better than I am that I forget to celebrate and refine the me that's in this moment.

And on that note, you should watch this (it's less than two minutes long):

http://www.youtube.com/embed/S8qyrPErF9Q

Competitions

The CrossFit Regional competitions have been going on for the past few weeks. I have been doing my best to catch a few events online during the live broadcasts from time to time, and if I said I was intimidated, it would be the most drastic understatement you have heard all day. It reminds me of my first day in the box back in October, when all I could think was that I was in way over my head. Nonetheless, time goes on, and we all improve.

I think the best way to judge progress and become newly motivated is to challenge myself. Frankly, if I don't set myself up for failure from time to time, I never get any better because I never figure out where I lack. Therefore, a few months ago when my friend Hannah decided she wanted to compete in a Pound for Pound competition (scaled to percentage of body weight, not just a scaled/unscaled weight for everyone), I decided to join her. Hannah has been doing CF for 3.5 years, so I was pretty intimidated to be her teammate - I didn't want to let her down. But I also wanted to do something that challenged me.

The competition changed me. For a few weeks prior, I started watching what I was eating (as in, I tried my best to cut down on the fried comfort foods and beer), I tried sleeping better, I got one-on-one training and tried to be a good student (to my coach) so that I could become a more efficient athlete, and I tried to visualize my WODs before I did them. Then the day came to make the drive to Montgomery. Hannah and I jumped in the truck, bags packed full of protein bars, coconut water, speed ropes, athletic tape, ibuprofen, and at least 10 changes of clothes, put on some Macklemore and Ludacris, and got pumped up.

The WODs were tough. When we finished the first one (which I have decided was the hardest 12 min AMRAP of my life), I wasn't sure if my hamstrings were going to permit me to do anything else that day, and the thought of having another WOD in 45 minutes scared me to death. However, I was so pleased with our performance. I couldn't have pushed harder, I couldn't have gone faster. I left it all on the field (as you can see in the photo). The feeling of knowing that there is nothing I'd have done better and there was no way I could have given more was quite fulfilling.

The second WOD was a 1rm weighted pull up (25.5 # for me, which was a PR considering I'm 110 pounds), Hannah did a 1rm ground to overhead on an axel bar, and then we did a 3 min row for average watts. My coach had me do that earlier that week, and I crushed my average from that attempt. Again, I walked away completely pumped, knowing I had gotten better and that I'd  left it all out there.

The third WOD was the most intimidating WOD for me. My coach and I had worked on it earlier in the week with less weight, and it destroyed me. I was scared I'd have to rely too heavily on Hannah. But... I could hear my coach's voice in my head - "open your hips," "straight up," "turn your wrists forward," "fix that back." I'm not really sure what got into me, but it all worked, and I felt like a rock star on that WOD. In fact, when we got done, I was nearly glowing because I was so excited about our performance.

And then we did something stupid.... we looked at the standings.

As it turns out, there were only four all-female teams, so we were thrown in with the men and co-ed teams. That changes the game. A lot. Hannah and I had no trouble finding our names. We were at the very bottom, battling for last with the other 3 women's teams.

There was a 4th WOD, but at that point it was irrelevant. After being so proud of our performances, finding out that we were last was devastating. I have to admit, though, that it almost didn't matter to me because I was so proud of how hard I had worked, how much improvement I had seen in such a short period of time - and proud that we didn't wuss out and compete in the intermediate division instead of the advanced division. But... we were at the bottom. The very very bottom.

I think that whole experience was incredibly important. It taught me some great things that I will constantly carry with me, and that I remind myself while watching Regionals. I'll list a few. There are plenty more...

1. The most important competition is the one with myself inside of my head.
2. There is always room for improvement.
3. There is always someone better, faster, stronger, and more committed.
4. Failure is relative, as is success.
5. Learn from my mistakes.
6. Ask myself: "If I could do this all over again and do it differently, what would I change?"
7. Fall down, get back up.
8. Ask more questions.

I mentioned that it changed me - that is very true. I've kept up the "diet" and switched to as many whole foods as possible throughout the day. I've asked for help from my coach a lot more. I've watched the girls who are better and studied what they are doing and working on my weaknesses. I've decided that being comfortable with the level that I am at is not an option. I've started researching more, and last but certainly not least, I've gained an immense amount of respect for those who are at the top of this sport - moreso than I could have ever imagined.

Competition can either discourage you or push you. I need a swift kick in the ass every now and then. Hopefully I'll get another one soon.

Afghanistan Run

I told my husband (Dan) about my attempt to write a blog that ties my CrossFitting, thoughts, goals, and life together to show the triumphs, struggles, and stagnations. He was quite supportive, and he took a few minutes to compose an entry for me. I hope you enjoy it - straight from Afghanistan about 60 miles SW of Kabul.

Work can be tough. It can drone on an on with meetings to attend, deadlines to meet, and bosses to please.  It wears us down, sometimes both physically and mentally, no matter how much we love our jobs and coworkers.

 

Eastern Afghanistan is tough too. The altitude itself, almost 7,000 above sea level, can take a toll on ones lungs.  The air is dry and so is the ground, which means that the rain turns every inch of ground into mud.  That is, the ground that is not already covered by craggy rocks. The land is actually fairly flat, except where hills and mountains jut up out of nowhere with steep slopes.

 

Combining work and Afghanistan is even tougher.  Here work is seven days a week and "home" is nothing more than a 8x8 plywood room (if you're lucky).  Despite many people's belief that the war is over, the reality on the ground is that the enemy is still present.  We have to work seven days a week, because that's what the enemy works.  You are always subject to being woke in the middle of the night, having to work till the small hours of the morning to prepare for the next day, or having to detour a route because of indirect fire or IEDs. Nothing ever goes as planned.

 

It's easy to make excuses here. "Personal time" is never quite what it is in the states.  Your family isn't around.   There are no comfy couches to stretch out on. There are no cold beers to drink.  It's easy to feel a little down.

 

With all this, workouts can be tough too.  The gym is always the same people and eventually having the gym as your only personal time can get to be a little depressing.  Add in the hours spent walking the hills in body armor, helmet, and weapon and you start to come up with yet another excuse as to why you shouldn't have to put in a full effort.  After all, isn't this what I trained for?  Wasn't walking the ground and fighting the war WHY we work so hard?

 

In ways, it is.  The stakes are higher, but this is now my event, just like hockey, baseball, and lacrosse were in a former light.  All my life my workouts have been about training for the next event.  Sometimes I was "bulking up" (relative term for my body type for a military school or an athletic season.  Other times I was working towards a running, biking, or triathlon race.  It's easy to just take it easy once you're finally done "training."

 

Today I broke through all this garbage on my run.  Actually it was my second run. I ended the first run and felt a little bit of energy so I practiced a few core lifts. I left the gym feeling tired, but wondering why I felt so mentally weak. 

 

For me, I then chose to run again.  Running is in my family's blood.  We all do it. It's my favorite exercise even though I know it's the area of my training which needs the least actual repetition.  But the lesson learned on this run was not about running, it was about the mind.

 

I picked a steep hill on the base, the only steep hill, that goes up to a guard tower overlooking the land to the west. I started with one sprint and came back down unsatisfied.  It was at that point where I realized I needed to push harder.  This wasn't about running, or entertainment, or personal time, or training.  This was about giving everything I had NOW.  This was TODAY'S chance to achieve my best.

 

I climbed the hill four more times, each time wheezing at the top as if I couldn't breathe normally if my life depended on it. I literally gave it everything I have.

 

It made me feel good, to give everything I have.  It was painful and rejuvenating in a way that we sometimes forget.  i trained for TODAY.  I set aside the soreness, the rest plan, the excuses, the possibility of tomorrow's pain, and everything else. I literally give it everything.